How do emotional abusers make the victims feel guilty?

sometimes they get themselves into the frame of mind where they don't know that they are doing it, there are no specifics as to what happens each case is different, it tends to be along the lines of them doing something and blaming the other person for it, an example being a man who beats his wife will often say well if you hadn't __________ i wouldn't have hit you, or even something as simple as holding a secret over them, blackmail is an extreme and most common form of emotional abuse